I debated about whether to write this post, but decided that what I'm going to talk about is going to be emblazoned on my memory anyway, so I might as well write about it.
Last Saturday, Allie had a birthday party that started at 2:00 p.m. with a trip to Build-A-Bear, then included pizza and a sleepover. Sleepover being a relative term, since she said other girls woke her at 1:00 a.m., so they all ate ice cream. And when Allie got to sleep about 3:00 a.m., someone went around and woke everyone again. Anyway, this story is what happened with me and Julia while Allie was gone.
Late in the afternoon, Julia and I headed up to Madison to do a little shopping, maybe to visit the pet store, and to have dinner together, just the two of us. Greg was hibernating at home, enjoying not have any females around.
The first stop we made was Target. I needed to get some larger spring nightwear for Allie (a fact that was pointed out as we packed for her overnight) and a few other things. One of those things was toilet paper, which I found in a 20-pack and loaded into the cart. After picking up our other items, we headed for the toy section at Julia's urgings. She was riding in the basket of the cart and I indulged her as we traveled up and down nearly every aisle, looking at toys. We talked about things she liked as possibilities for her birthday list, her birthday being only about 3 months away now.
After literally almost 1/2 hour of looking at toys, I told Julia we needed to move on and check out, so we could get some dinner. Julia said no. She said she wanted me to buy her a princess set of some kind. I reminded her that I never said we were going to buy her any toys and reminded her that she had gotten a small toy just the day before, when we bought the gift Allie needed for her birthday party. She refused to leave the aisle, even when I walked away. I walked back and told her we were not going to buy any toys today and that it was time to leave. She wrapped her arms around the princess set and refused to leave the aisle. I walked away again, then told her that if she didn't come with me, our dinner plans were in serious jeopardy. She said no again.
I told Julia again that we were leaving and that now we weren't going out to eat. She whined about her princess set. I said we were now leaving the store and that if she didn't come with me, she was going to be going straight home and straight to bed. She still refused to come with me. I took her by the arm and pulled her over to the cart and she started saying (loudly, needless to say) that I was hurting her. I told her she WAS going to come with me and that I wouldn't hold her if she moved with me. She refused and walked back to the toy aisle.
I walked after her again and pulled her by the arm with me down the center aisle. I tried to pick her up and put her back in the cart and she kicked me. When I had to put her down (she weighs over 40 lbs. now), she ran away from me back toward the toy aisle. She walked back through a good chunk of the store as I abandoned our cart and followed her, threatening most of the way. I picked her up again and held her legs as I carried her back through the store. This is when I started regretting that I really wanted to purchase Allie's nightwear, since I was reluctant to just walk out of the store. In retrospect, I should have just left and gone back alone on Sunday.
Regardless, I eventually had to put her down and I kept hold of either her arm or her shirt as I pulled her through the store to the checkout. She was screaming all the way. Okay, maybe not screaming, but definitely a raised voice, saying I was hurting her and that she wanted to go back to the toy aisle because she didn't remember everything we had picked out. I got in her face and told her I was very disappointed in how she was behaving and that we were definitely leaving and that she was going home and to bed.
We got to the checkout and I heard someone behind me say, "This is why we're not having kids." I paid for our purchases and Julia trailed behind me, way behind me, as I took the cart back. I grabbed our one bag and the damned toilet paper pack and told her to get her coat on (it was maybe 50 degrees out and raining a little). She said no. I had to chase her to grab her arm and I told her fine, then she was going outside without her coat. I pulled her outside and when she screamed for her coat, I let go and tried to get her to put it on. She was still crying about not leaving yet, so I pulled her to the car, which thankfully was not too far away and made her get in. She started kicking and flailing at me as I tried to buckle her seatbelt and she knocked my glasses right off my face.
I had been angry before, needless to say, but that was it. I started crying and I told her that I couldn't believe how she was acting. She didn't say anything, but she stopped hitting me and I buckled her in. I got in the car and almost hit another car backing out because I was still crying. We started the 25-minute car ride home and I told her that I didn't want to talk to her at all because she had been so naughty. She started talking to herself, saying that she was a bad girl and had done really horrible things. I finally told her she wasn't a bad girl, but that she had done some very naughty things. She asked what was going to happen, if we were going to eat, and I told her we were going home.
When we got home, Greg took over, putting her in her room and telling her she wasn't getting any dinner. It was about 6:00 p.m. I didn't feel like talking to her at all or even looking at her. After about an hour, Greg let her out to eat just a peanut butter sandwich, then she went back in her room and eventually to bed. The next day, she didn't get to watch any TV or play with any of her neighborhood friends.
She says she's learned her lesson. I told her I don't think I'm ever going to take her into a toy store or toy section again. Greg and I talked about whether I should have spanked her, something I've never done, but I don't think it would have helped. She was wild. She wasn't listening to anything I said at all.
I've never had such a miserable episode with either of my kids before. And I hope to never again. Just thinking about it again makes me teary since I was so disappointed in how she acted. Julia is 5, almost 6, and she acted like she was 2. I'm just praying this isn't a new trend in our lives with her.
7 comments:
Anxious to see the comments on this !!! Nan
Deb,just take some deep breaths,kids are always worse after starting school what one doesn't think,there is at least 25 or more who will teach her some bad habbits,it's our job not to kill them,oh yea and a swat on the butt does wonders.
I really felt for you reading this. I think the biggest issue in these situations is how you feel about your own child and their behaviour. We have seen it happening to others and sypathised, knowing full well what people are thinking and even saying but it doesn't make it any easier. You know she understands what she did was wrong and how she upset you, this isn't what's to come I'm sure.
Julia sat down next to me on the couch as I typed this and asked me what I was doing. I told her and she made some kind of comment about not telling what she'd done. We talked again about it, so hopefully it's really sunk in how badly she behaved.
Specifically, she read the sentence that starts "Julia is 5, almost 6 . . ." and I don't think she liked the statement that she acted like she was 2.
It's a hard one, but I think you did everything right. Telling her the consequences and then following through on them. And it sounds like she's shocked herself a little bit, which can't be a bad thing.
If all else fails there is always the pool ball in a sock to fall back on.
Not to worry, it sounds like you handled yourself well! This is normal behavior for a 5-6 year old as maddening as it can be. This is the age when they up the ante on testing their boundaries and often shock themselves with their behaviors. While they don't always like it at the time, they are reassured by an adult who stands firm in their handling of them...especially when they don't have the mental maturity to reign themselves in from a full blown fury. It's also the age when they really understand that they have the power to hurt others physically but especially emotionally. Again, it sounds like you handled yourself just fine. If you are not consistent, you will have one helluva time during adolescence. You are the parent, not a friend and sometimes that job is difficult. But if you don't be the parent, you will not shape a positive, contributing member of society...you will create a tyrant. Keep up the good work!!
I agree with all of the above.
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